Between Us Only! Series – From The Archives!
Yesterday Sunday June 12th I met this lady fan of mine who told me – you know what? Your earlier articles were the best – you wrote with great feelings and emotions!
Your New Articles are short and sweet – but nothing like before? So what happened?
Anyway, enjoy two of the earlier ones that got many positive feedbacks… tell me what you think?
Majid Al Suleimany
From The Archives – Between Us Only!
A Why Do We Lie and Cheat?
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! Why do we lie and cheat? It is a one million dollar question. Some lie always – by habits and behaviour – they are chronic and pathetic liars too!
Let me ask you this question – if I ask you to tell me truthfully, that is, ‘have you ever lied in your life? Have you cheated someone, and pretended that you were honest and truthful?’ Guess the answers one will get? ‘No, I have always been an honest and truthful person. Excuse me, first of all, who are you to ask me these type of (personal) questions? Actually, I do not have to answer such type of questions from anyone for that matter!’
Notice the excited emotions? The ‘automatic defensive mechanisms’ that springs to place? This followed by the aggressions too? It all ‘comes out natural’ for many! They say ‘more’ from those who are ‘habitual and chronic pathetic liars and cheaters! For them to tell lies is just like a ‘cup of tea’ or drinking water – it all comes out easy and natural!
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for ‘laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! All one had to say was, ‘Excuse me, I am saying the truth here’ and the rest of the world would fall in line and believe him. Finito! End! Period! But because we lie and cheat, and some of us of the times (or when we want to cover our tracks especially!), we have these things in place!
Did you read the novel 1984 (I think was by George Orwell)? In this ‘Big Brother’ can read your mind before you ever think of it – and you are already in BIG trouble! Big brother is watching you!’ Would that not be a frightening world to live in? When you see someone and say (by telepathy or other way means) ‘stop – and you immediately do something to that person’ because you can read his or her brain and mind? No need of pretence compliments or looking the other way, because you know exactly what that person thinks (or you think of him or her!) and there is no need to ‘cheat or tell lies’ to one another?
It is said that during the ‘Cold Wars’ the Russians and the KGB were desperately trying hard to penetrate and to delve into research where they could read peoples minds! If it is ‘just fits of the imagination’ and as a result of the cold war propagandas, no one has ever found out or to ever know to date – at least, and thank God too!
Why do we lie and cheat? It is a one million dollar question. Some lie always – by habits and behaviour, they are chronic and pathetic liars too! When I was in my young Secondary school days, there was a student in our class. They called him ‘Mr. Kiboko” – that is ‘one who whips out tales’, or ‘Mr. ‘Mabomu’ – one who blasts out (exaggerates!)! One time in class he told us that there was a big traffic pile up and he thinks some people had died (though he admitted later he did not personally see any ‘dead people’). Actually all he saw was some passengers
looking out of a bus that had crashed into a smaller car at a traffic junction. There were some injury to the driver of the small car, but no deaths and no pile-ups either!
When I used to work in that same place, I had a colleague who used to ‘lie and cheat’ on his spouse and using me as the excuse to her. ‘I have gone to M’s house’, he used to tell her, ‘we are going out to see a new film together! Sometimes he used to tell me in advance on his fibs, but one time I had answered his phone and his wife (new one too – some peoples!) asked me ‘so what film did you see yesterday with xyz?’ LuckilyI had seen the paper’s advertisement and said ‘Ice Station Zebra’.
I stopped the guy from using me anymore as ‘his excuse’ after this. Eventually the wife found out too (these things have always a way of coming out and the truth to prevail and dominate eventually!) And they were divorced with 2 small children too! How pathetic, sad and tragic!
Sadly more and pathetically too, that lady was a First Class one and very pretty one too. I guess if there was another devious person, who could have used the information to his advantage and benefits, but not the innocent, naïve and dumb I for that matter!
If one takes ‘you to be a habitual, chronic and customary liar’, a time may come and sometimes at a most critical time in your life too – when you are actually saying the truth for once, and no one is going to believe you! It maybe even involve your personal freedom (or extreme case your own very life) that would depend on it, and that is at stake. Add ‘circumstantial evidence’ to a habitual liar – that is it – the combustion followed by an explosion – the stakes are all that high to do you in!
Why do we lie anyway? This subject, to be answered fully and rightly, would definitely take more than the column space they allow me weekly – but possibly some answers I guess (briefly!): –
Just for the fun and thrill of it!
For our ‘pursuits, chases, habits’ etc.
Getting out of a situation you do not like to
remain in or to have been in, in the first place and instance (like a ‘forced
You think you are the smarter and more
intelligent person, the rest are all gullible susceptible stupid fools who will
believe anything – ‘hook, bait and sinker’!
To gain something – advantage or profit from
To get out of a nasty situation or status
It is a natural reaction, behaviour and
custom, and the way one conducts himself or herself in life!
To escape possible penalty and punishment if
found out – whether environmentally, socially, professionally, ethically and or
To ‘have your cake and eat it’ too – few can
Proving or showing a bad example to others
who may be tempted to follow or emulate you!
To bring feuding parties together – like
family members, husband and wife.
For ‘publicity, morality and propaganda’
To advertise or sell a thing or product in
To occupy and dominate a position or status
The politicians route to power and fame.
Actors and Actresses same route to be
starring, power and fame.
Have you heard of the expression – ‘butter
will not melt on her mouth? It shows essence of honesty, truthfulness sincerity
– you say it. The true situation is
A façade (decoration) that one is good, pious
and religious, when one is not!
How can we know if someone is lying to us? Scientists, Psychiatrists, Psycho Analysts
have given us may ‘body signs’ that we can identify with lying, like avoiding eye contact, hands movements, eye pupil movements etc. But then the question remains – if one can be detected by these, would not one play-act play-role etc to see one is not found out? Certainly they will. I guess that is why they have ‘lie – detectors’ used also in crime scenes! Although there are some controversies that even these one can play with to portray being honest and truthful too.
What if someone is actually telling the truth (even if for once in his life) but we still do not believe him? Is there no danger of a ‘hung jury’ thing here – especially if the evidence is all circumstantial and not provable too? I am not sure – but I think it is the French who have said ‘Better let many possibly criminals go Scot-free, than induct a wrong innocent person’.
(Forgive me it comes with age – I know the expression but cannot remember who said it!) – Or ‘is innocent until proved guilty – as the Brits say! Our own religion holds telling of lies and cheating as grave evil things with great punishments in the grave and the hereafter for such things.
Whichever religion or creed you belong too, it is all the same outlook, view and held values! Next time you want to lie, remember this! Speak the truth for once; a lot may depend on it. You may never know till it is too late, too!
Anyway make a resolution to ‘always speak the truth’ from now on, just in case!
B – But It Is In My Nature …..!
Can you change one’s nature or character? Or personality traits? Does a leopard loose
its spots? The saying goes – that once you cross the age of 40, there is simply no way to change one’s own character or nature. Old habits die hard – it is said! Can you try to transform yourself, to any other direction! It will stay with the person till he or she dies and
departs from this world. …….. Yes – replied the scorpion – I know! But it is my nature – I just cannot change.
If you are a Believer, you know than that there are other stages awaiting you, even after departing from this world.
Prior Departing – The Punishment in the world.
After Death –
(a) The Punishment of the Grave and
(b) The Day of Reckoning – Judgment
Then all that you had acted in this work, good or bad – or those things you could have done
to stop or prevent harm and damages to others, but did not lift a finger to prevent – you will be held accountable for and due punishments (or rewards) vetted on you.
They are quite a number of peoples like me who are firm believers that ‘what goes around, comes around” and if you do something intentionally bad and evil to someone (worse case scenario is if you do against someone who considers you close a friend, or someone who has done NOTHING bad against you) – then you do get paid back in this world itself – even before you depart to the next world.
If you tell lies and fibs against someone – especially behind his or her back – you are one of
those who fit the above scenario.
If you say I called this person to come and see us, but he did not – and you know well that it is not true, only getting that person into unnecessary and avoidable troubles, pain, shame and degradation – then you fit the above too.
If you say that he is not performing well on the job (but you know he /she does), or apportion
blame and criticisms to some aspects that he/she has no responsibility or control for, and the person is either by-passed (or even terminated), then you are in the above lot too.
If you cause divisions, split and separations between husband and wife, or between brother
and brother, or brother and sister, parents and children etc – you too fit the above.
If you swear to be speaking the truth, and you know it is not so, and lend someone in great
troubles and distress (even jail), then you too are in the same above group.
If it is within your power and control to change wrong things or actions done, but do nothing – you cannot be different – you too are in the same category above. Because you caused great harm and damages to others.
If you know someone is in great troubles and difficulties, and he or she has even approached you to ask for your help and intervention, and you simply just do nothing, because you simply do not feel like doing so – then you are in the same lot.
If your actions, behaviours, attitudes etc. would result in pain, troubles, degradations and shame to others – you cannot escape yourself (or those near you) what you have done to others yourself or caused to happen to others.
The beauty of it all is you have forgotten maybe, and then you get your ‘reward’! Only you will be saying – ‘why is this happening to me? I do not deserve this! (Because you have already conveniently forgotten!)
There are so many other examples – but leave these to jog your mind a bit. There is nothing worse than the ‘curse of a victimized brutalized innocent person or his/her cries and pain in quiet and in sufferance.
Then there are those who believe in Reincarnation. If you did something good or nice in this world, you will return as one in same good shape – like a butterfly or bird (pigeon), but if bad, back like a scorpion or snake!
My then 12 year old daughter one day had asked me this question. She (like other daughters) are all named M! So she asks me – Dad, it is said when we die, on the Day of Judgment we shall be brought back to form to be held accountable for all our sins in this world?
I said yes, M my daughter! Then she tells me – explain this to me. When Lady Indira Ghandi was assassinated, her ashes were thrown around in the Himalayas Mountains by a helicopter? As per her wishes? I said – I think I have read that so to be true. She then asks me – if that is
true, then how can she be brought back to life in one form (as her ashes has been spread all around?)
I was lost of words. I looked at her. The silence was deadening. How could she at age 12 think of these things, we adults take longer to understand and comprehend. I just visualized myself asking this type of question (at our generation!) to my late dad (pbuh). I do not think I would have had the opportunity to finish the sentence – because a slap would have landed on my face before I had to time to finish!
I asked this question to one Priest (Religious Scholar) and he got angry as I had predicted! What he told me in short was I should have known from the beginning. That is nothing – simply nothing – that could prevent Allah SWT to bring back anything the Lord Has Himself created!
Have you heard this story – just to finish off in a lighter mood (as the subject itself is all serious!) A scorpion saw a frog. So he told the frog – I have my relative who is sick on the other side of the river. I want to go to visit him. Can you carry me across? The frog said – do
you think I was born yesterday? If I do that you will sting me on my back and I shall then die. The scorpion said – How can I do that? Did I not just now request you to carry me across? Do you take to be crazy or stupid? The frog was convinced.
So it said to the scorpion – okay jump on my back! As they were crossing the river, the scorpion said – see, you did not trust me – now do you believe me? Did I sting you? No – said the frog – I am sorry. Ten minutes later half-way the river – the scorpion stung the frog.
‘Whatever are you doing? Do you know what you have just done? I shall now die – and you will drown too. Yes – replied the scorpion – I know!
But it is my nature – I just cannot change!