Young Marriages In Troubles! 1

Between Us Only!

Young Marriages In Troubles!

I have found out that one of the advantages and privileges of working as a Professional in Human Resources in Companies – is this element of being able to meet especially the young entrants – and get to know them better in their hopes, aspirations and dreams in life – what makes them tick – and what does not! Perhaps because of my ‘accepting face’ and or my showing of interests to them – they open up and confide to me their hopes, fears, worries – and even dreams and fantasies in life! I become more like a Father figure that you can talk to also – and not just that guy behind the desk as the HR Official – whether Manager – or later on as Consultant, Expert and Advisor!

Image – Unhappy Couple!

I also came to realise the hard way that some families do not talk to each other – I guess more in father to son and vice versa – than daughters to mothers and vice versa! I think the later has more openings for rapport and discussions – if even I remember my own early younger life with my own late father – and even late uncles – because we were the same cut and chip of the old block!

I remember this incident in which I was teasing one of my nephews as to why he was only getting boys – and how he could try now to get some girls. Something crude that for sure I will not say here – even if the paper were ready to print it! My nephew turned red and blue – and he was literally gasping for breath – and he told his mother that uncle had ‘insulted me today by saying…’! Then his mother told him – your uncle is an open approachable person – and you should see the jokes that he cracks with his son – even daughters too – and not like your father – who still has ‘colonial leanings’ of the past!

Images – Marriages In Trouble – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

When I was walking in one of the GCC countries early 2003s, I was amazed at the divide between the sexes – even between the National young ones males and females – completely different from us here in Oman. I got my fingers burnt many times here – and on hindsight I now believe could have contributed to my position being early localised. Two incidents come to mind – one when the mobile of the girl ringing continuously for over 15 minutes as the girl was out. I realised there must be an emergency – so I in error picked up the phone.

Images – Marriages In Trouble – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

Though there was a real family emergency – but the husband did not like it – and he ‘reported me’ to the Senior Management – and they thought it very dim on my proactive move! The second was passing an honest and sincere compliment to one of the pretty young lasses in my office – who took it wrongly – and again passed her grievances to the top brass – who then asked me to keep my hands, mouth and eyes glued instead to my job front – than what I was doing now!

Which made me realise much further on in life that there was a wide rift and divergence between our own and them – even if we would like to think we are basically and fundamentally the same – but in reality we are not. Which brings me to the realisation that was the reason why there were a lot of marriage problems in that place – even amongst the young ones!

And why the place had a high divorce rate starting from a day, 3 months and 2 years. The rate – even in these periods of time – was even reaching 33% of all such marriages. Despite there being a fund for locals marriages – but still the boys were marrying outsiders – and not their own – and the girls lamenting that even if older – but they would prefer elder type like M – who can joke, tease and is all approachable!

In my last few jobs, I found the same problems were now also confronting us even here with our own young – completely opposite our own generations! Both the girls and the boys – even recently married ones – were saying to me ‘why they are worried and concerned – and not happy in their lives even! Many of the cases of the marriages were sort of arranged more – and they came to know each other only after marriages!

Even for those couples that knew each other before – or were ‘in love’ before getting married. They said to me that the husband is suddenly found to be possessive, jealous and envious – and wants to control, subjugate and control. And the bigger part is finances – and how much the wife earns! And the young lasses not wanting to lose their say and freedom – and certainly their money! Some even earn more than the husband – and some very near – in actual fact more of these lots than those that earn significantly lower.This is not the person I knew – is the common cry and lament!

The red lines are usual the same stuff of money and controls – selfishness rather that jointly – and consumerism plays a big part in the divisions and the discords – even after the children are born. I, in HR, had so many cases of those that took jointly housing loans and joint accounts getting their cases and court decisions sent to us – and in many cases is like that seriously sick patient – before he dies finally in final divorces!

In one of the cases that I was involved – this young male graduate came to me with a letter endorsed by his Sheikh that his wife’s salary – also a graduate – who earned more than him! – should be transferred to his personal account. I told him even if your wife agreed – the company will NOT be able to do that – and the same is a universal rule – but you can ask your banks to do that – if there is a joint written consent and agreement.

As I said in my last article – this new trend amongst our own to be aggressive and abusive when things do not go in their favour – needs to be nipped in the bud now – before there is a tear in the national fabric – and raising up of more selfish individualist younger future generations – that only think subjectively of themselves only – and that is why even amongst the young – there is so much turmoil and trouble now – starting with their marriages even!

My ears still ring hot in this cry from one young boy I know in sort of related – Uncle – I always wanted to marry a pretty and well paid wife – but I soon came to realise the hard way – that all that glitters is not gold – and she is in reality a very ugly and unpleasant person – in our fights she smashed all the plates that we got as wedding presents! Frankly I am afraid of her now Uncle! – he almost pleaded to me!

We the elders and the Religious Elders need to sit down and impart with our young on the importance and sanctity of marriages – and being together as one – and share and share alike as a couple – raising their children together. Move away from being narrow minded, subjective, self-centred, selfishness and being suspicious – avoid trying to control, manipulate and subjugate others -otherwise there are just bigger troubles only ahead of us!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Posted at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

The Great King Alexander – The Three Death Wishes! Reply

The Great King Alexander – The Three Death Wishes!

 After conquering many kingdoms – was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and he was bedridden for months. With death drawing close, Alexander realized how his conquests – his great army – his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no use to him now.

He called all his generals and said – I will depart from the world soon. But I have three wishes. Please fulfill my wishes without fail. With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their King’s last wishes

My First Desire is that – said Alexander – my Physicians alone must carry my coffin. Secondly – when my coffin is being carried to the grave – the path leading to the graveyard should be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury. My Third and Last wish is that both my hands should be kept dangling out of my coffin.

The people that had gathered there wondered at the King’s strange wishes. But no one dared to question; Alexander’s favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. O King – we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said – I would like the World to know of Three Lessons I have just learnt. I want my Physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no Doctor can really cure anybody. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of Death. So let not people take life for granted.

The Second Wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell people that that not even a fraction of gold can be taken by me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

And about my Third Wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin I want people to know that I came empty handed into this world – and empty handed I go out of this world.

Alexander’s last words – Bury my body – do not build any monument for me – keep my hands outside so that the world knows the person who conquered the world had nothing in his hands when dying……

 

How Rich Can One Get? By Majid Al Suleimany Reply

Final Destination – The Grave – If You Are Lucky!

Between Us Only!

How Rich Can One Get?

Breaking News!

Former Chinese Police Chief Wang Lijun sentenced to 15 years for abdication of duties…even in China!

The Funeral Pyre – Below!

One time decades back I got this call from my late Father to go and pick him up to take him for a funeral that was happening that evening. He got into my car and was not speaking. I thought perhaps because I came in late – or he just wanted to be silent – normally – when he gets extremely angry and annoyed. I had come to realise the hard way that it was better for me ‘not to prod’ – until he decided to speak himself. This time it was acute strange because he was not saying anything – longer than normal!

My Late Father PBUH

I was wondering if the old man wanted to cry – but he was holding his tears back – not to embarrass himself in front of his son. He comes from the fabric that frowns on showing emotions openly – and that is certainly in crying! Big men – and even young boys – simply do not cry! You can all cry and break into pieces all held dear all inside. Only ‘sissies’ cry out openly!

 After the funeral, I could see that he now wanted to talk. So I broke the ice by asking what the poor man had died of? He stared at me as if he was going to take out on me – but decided at the last minute not to! Then he said – Poor man! We were everyday going to the Public place – to chase up on the applications of land for our children.

Poor man! Now he got his final plot – and it was for free! He did not have to pay any money for the plot – it was given for him for free! Just the size of his body – a bit more – but 6 feet down – to rest on his right side facing Mecca – until the Day of Reckoning! I tell you son – all these things we are chasing in life are all temporary and artificial – and there is nothing permanent and for surety except God – and Death only!

Then my poor father told me about one business man he also knows whose business had gone bust. Many reasons for it – he was telling me. But that is not important for now. In short the man almost lost his house to the Banks – but luckily for him it was the only house he had – and there was the law to protect such cases in the past. He had two cars – one his and the other family. He sold off his family big car to settle debts – but kept the smaller car.

One day he wanted to go by road and to visit his relatives in a neighbouring country. He was not allowed to do so – because though he had cleared his case – and his name in the public files was not. He did not have even the right to renew the Mulkiya of his car – and he was driving the car ‘unlicensed and un re-registered’ – and he was afraid of in case of an accident of what was going to happen to him! It took more than 8 months to have ‘his name cleared’ – all because he was just a poor man – and had no Wastah. God takes shorter time to clear us – he sadly lamented!

Images – Traffic Police! For demonstration purposes only!

He added – Such things do not happen to the rich, powerful and the famous – only poor people like him – and us! In the end the man was so fed up – and decided to return for good to East Africa – safety or no safety – security or no security – but he just had enough! My poor father added – This man was stronger than this man who died today – God forgive us for such stray thoughts in comparisons!

I do not know if this is true or not – but one of the jokes on the public sector bribes and corruption in one third world country is about lands being allocated to the families of ‘those of influence’ – or as we say here ‘With W – Wastah! They say to a pregnant inner family or friends circle – If it is going to be a girl call her Badriya – and if boy Badr – names just coincidental for examples and demonstration purposes only! I do not know if they knew these things of scanning – because like yours truly had twin girls – so one of the girls would have lost – till a bit later on!

In one of my articles long time back – I talked about when I started working in Oman in Junior positions – though I had a more Senior position from where I came in that distant land – from having a Company car to riding a Company bus to work. But it did not put me off – or want to return – because I put my future and my family ahead of me!

In one of my deep frustrating times far later in life – I even went looking for jobs outside that oil company. In one of the interviews with one owners’ son he asked me a direct personal question of what really made M tick? He asked me – What are your dreams and what are you looking for in life?

Perhaps he thought I would reply him that I wanted to be in his shoes – to be on his side of the desk – asking the same question to another job aspirant! Then he started lamenting to me all kind of things that were not interesting to me as a job applicant – and the success story of their family business! He then asked me if I knew another so-called rich rising family – and why I did not apply there?

In another place the ‘great personality’ was saying to me – Either we offer you a good package or nothing at all. It seemed to me he was thinking he was making a great speech impression to me – because those things are best not said – and left out – because it was just a plain common message – and everybody knows about these things!

Remember all the above incidents were over 15 to 20 years ago! Far later in life when I started writing I had a strong fan – a sort of high elite rich person who really liked my works as a writer. He said to me – I like the way you fight for the underdog! When I applied some years ago after early retirement – for a Human Resources job in his place – he replied to me – Just keep to writing! That best suits you than a HR job! The Brits have this famous expression – Diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell – and he looks forward for the trip!

If even Mitt Romney of USA can discount 47% of the electoral vote – because ‘they are with him (Obama) – who are dependant upon government, who believe that they are victims , who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe to housing, you name it. They are people who pay no income tax ….. my job is not to worry about those people!

Bottom line – wherever you are in this world of ours – if you are poor and with no Wastah – you always get hit hard the most! Nothing has changed much during all these years! And then people dare to ask me why I like to quote many times – from George Orwell’s Animal Farm!

May The Good Lord Direct us all to The Right Path and Ways Always – Amin Amen

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

The problems all facing us now is all due to this hunger to control, dominate and manipulate in the Society….!!!

Family Relationships! – By Majid Al Suleimany Reply

For Sunday August 19, 2012

 My Website – www.majidall.com

Between Us Only!

Family Relationships!

The person who severs the bond of kinship (family) will not enter ParadiseThe Hadith – Sahih Al Bukhari

Family is just accident. They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just areMarsha Norman

A family is a place where minds come in contact with one anotherBuddha.

Families are forever, and have always wondered if the slogan was meant as a promise or a threatBrady Udall

All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own wayLeo Tolstoy

Last week my article – Respect Your Parents – went very well. It is still there in my above website.

 

A long time a good family sent me the following – which I will share with you today on this Happy Day of Eid. He sent me this with the advent and arrival of my first twin girls. He meant well. He just said – Quote – 

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn . . .
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight . . .
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive . . .
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself . . .
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy . . .
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel envy . . .
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty …

BUT

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient . . .
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident . . .
If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative . . .
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love . .
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves…
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is . . .
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice . . .
If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him . . .
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live – unquote.

Long time ago when our late Father was still alive, in our usual Friday family get-together – there were the usual now and then usual disagreements. Like in most times – the source and issue at stake was just minor and significant – where the best course of action was ‘to agree to disagree’ – and move on! But like I always say – After Offices – Family is where people most misbehave – and the worst of people, their nature and their character and personality come out!

So poor dad was saying to me – If your Mother and I are gone – you are supposed to be the de facto  head of this family – whether you like it or not – and whether you are rich or not – whether you are powerful and influential or not – and whether you are still respected and esteemed or not. It just does not make any difference or change to the situation – but you will still be that head. It is like if your nose smells – but you cannot cut it – because the loser is you. That smelling nose are some of the family members – or the ‘black sheep’ of the family in slang terms!

It is not an easy task for you – but the most important thing is to maintain respect and control more by persuasion and diplomacy and tact – rather than wanting to impose yourself on others – and your views, outlooks, focuses – and whatever else!

People will challenge you – people will try to upset and annoy you – people will try to bring you down – to disgrace and embarrass you – but you must still maintain a cool presence of mind – and try your level best to maintain as a leader by examples and demonstration in life – not empty words – but being real, practical and realistic!

Show by example and in demonstrative guidance and leadership – not by trying short term and quick measures that will only backfire – turn a bad situation more worse – and make you as The Loser – rather than The Winner! My father was not that much educated – but was a very wise man indeed! Sadly my father had passed away before he could see me his son writing!

I was watching this film in Al Jazeera TV which should inspire us all! The film is titled – Beirut Buenos Aires Beirut. An Argentinian woman (Graciela) woman goes in search of her Lebanese heritage and ends up uniting two families from two different worlds.

Graciela is a 37-year-old Argentinian woman of Lebanese descent living in Buenos Aires. Before her great-aunt died, she told Graciela a family secret. Her father [Mohammed], Lebanese by birth, did not die in Argentina. He left his family and returned to Lebanon. Angry at his departure, his wife and children cut off communication with him,” Graciela explains.

One of the last things they heard of Mohammed is that he married again and might have had more children in Lebanon. My great-aunt gave me a box with letters and photos that she had kept …. Some had never been read. Somebody once said that a letter always arrives at its destination,” Graciela says.

“When I saw the letters, I felt they had been left as a legacy. And I wanted to know more about my family history. Who was Mohammed? Why did he come to live in Argentina? Why did he return to Lebanon? Are there any relatives of mine on the other side of the world?”

 Graciela decided to look further into Mohammed’s life and started to retrace his story – from his initial arrival in Buenos Aires and his life in Argentina as an immigrant, to his return to Lebanon.

“I discovered Arab immigrants to Argentina were not as welcome as Europeans. Arab immigration was large, but discreet, because it has always faced intolerance and discrimination,” she says.

In search of Mohammed’s Lebanese family and in order to learn details of Mohammed’s life and her own roots, she travels to Lebanon to trace the threads of a personal story that unfolds as she delves deeper into her family’s past and a different culture.

And finally, after 50 years of separation, she is the catalyst for two families from two different worlds to reunite

Please do take the time and efforts on this Eid to be together with the family – and the relatives – the friends. Please do not forget to keep in touch and in contact with also those in home towns and villages – and those abroad too!

Eid Mubarak Greetings. Please take extra care and precaution – in driving – and please visit my upgraded and new website – www.bethesafedriver.com and let us pray for all those in wars and troubles – and cannot celebrate and be together as Family this time!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Goodbye; My VIP Visitor! Reply

For Wednesday August 15th 2012

 My Website – www.majidall.com

At My Workplace (Outlook)!

Goodbye; My VIP Visitor!

 

Some years ago, I had visited this great Religious Scholar house and I was commenting to him that you have been staying with us for the last 20 days and that you will soon be leaving us till the next time! He hushed me not to speak so loudly lest you hear – and get angry and annoyed with this assertion – and decide to leave even earlier? I queried him as to how you could overhear as we were speaking alone at the time – and you were not with us then at that time – as we were having some sweets and Omani coffee at that time? He replied me – Trust me – he has ears all over the place – and he will certainly hear you!

When I was a young child and for the first time was told to receive you and show you around in that old place of ours in that distant land – and it was a day or two before you were going to leave us that poor granddad was crying uncontrollably and profusely that he may not be around next time you came – I wondered aloud the relationships between you two to go to this extent!

I must admit – with sincere and due apologies to you now – but at that time I was looking forward for you to go – so things could return to me ‘as normal as a kid usually wants’ – and not follow at that time I thought as hard and rigid rules. I wondered that though you were a guest in our house – even if invited – but you did not have to give us all these things to observe whilst you were and especially with us then!

I used to joke with you in my crude and dry sense of humour that in the local lingo you could only stay with us for 10 days only – as the cut off and limiting factor – but you just looked at me with great sad eyes – that even as a kid ‘I should have known better’ than say this absurd cutting remarks to you – after all you were our invited guest too. If you remember I joked about you if you knew farming and how to plough – because that is what was called for to force you to repay your overstay – and being the guest of the house. They even allowed brute force for you to repay the overstay – in case you refused to do so!

I remember when I told my granddad on this – I was laughing loudly – and with great mirth – but he was not laughing back – and looked sadly at as a lost cause and child – and just confirming his suspicions that it was wrong for him to force his daughter to marry my father – and in hindsight he should not have done that. With his big stick – he looked debating whether he should strike me with it – but just decided to be cutting more = add salt to the wound by saying – what else can one expect – the rule like father like son is very true! I was upset with my granddad that he thought you as more important than the rest of us – especially our poor targeted dad!

I have to admit to you this. I do not know how you are going to take it – knowing you can be sensitive a few times when you feel tired by all the remarks of others. And especially showing to be double faced and being hypocritical – that in front they show that you are most welcome – but hidden and away from you they look at the calendar – and hope that you will go away soon – and leave them alone to do the things they were used to do – with you not around to keep them in check – and forcing them to perform and try to ‘be better people’!

But I assure you – because I know them – and I am a ‘chip of the old block’ – as I am one of them too – we will all try to behave – and be nice and good – and hope it will be longer before you come and visit us again! Despite all the sermons and lectures – once it is night and eating contest time – we just behave as if you are not around. Like the East Africans say – if you want to insult someone that badly – why choose words or behaviour to do it – just do it – and all goes! I apologise and am very sorry for all these – but you are a great understanding person – even if it grieves and hurts you too!

And then another thing! I know you are not a great eater or drinker either – but even though you keep telling us that we are cooking too much food that goes to waste everyday – that even the cats (and dogs) are no longer interested in the left-overs – but despite your lectures, counsels and advices – they still do it.

I wonder if it is wickedly and purposefully done – so you get angry and annoyed – and leave early. But I guess they still want you to stay – and are showing it in their own ways – because they are looking forward for that special day gifts and presents – that you usually give out on the last few days! And of course all those money for the kids – after you have left the night before!

There is something that I must admit to you too before you go! If you have noticed – I was not that welcoming this year like in the past – because I am trying real hard to remain hospitable, receptive and welcoming! A few cases I had a mind just to tell you to go – and I cannot keep up the pretences anymore – but my health has gone bad – and being diabetic too – had short fuses of anger and fury – and I think you must have noticed as I have dealt with others – even in the family. I apologise sincerely for all these things – and I have a great mind that if my situation continues – perhaps you will not see me next time you come – but please do pray for me – and forgive me too. I have tried really hard this time – believe me!

My VIP Visitor – until the next time you come – adieu – and as I cannot say goodbye now – because you will still come to visit us – even if I may not be around the next time – but others will surely be there to receive you – welcome you – and all the grace and mercies you bring. For those that do not appreciate – and even behave worse than before – feel sorry for them – and pray for them only!

Goodbye – My VIP Guest and Visitor – The Month of Ramadhan Fasting!

Eid Greetings!

Take Care! 

By: 

Majid Al Suleimany