Suing The Husband! Reply

Between Us Only!

Suing The Husband! 

Last two weeks back, I had sent out this to a group of my frequent Readers and Fans – asking for their opinion! – Quote – After Compliments,

Today I got inadvertently involved in a situation case where a husband gave me his life story of how his wife sued him because He had smashed her car due to reckless driving. Though the car was a write off and if you see the pictures you cannot imagine he came out alive!

True the man was dangerously driving but a wife would feel relieved and happy to see her husband and the father of her children come out alive! This had happened outside Oman. The man wrote to me because he reads my columns and websites. He was asking for my own opinions and views on the subject matter!

accident 2

Incidentally the car was not insured and she had forbidden him to drive her car! But still….! You know in advanced countries you can sue the spouse but the spouse is not allowed to give witness against each other. Complicated and confusing?

Court Scene

There is this saying… The true woman comes out when the husband is broke – he lost his job – and the true man when he suddenly becomes rich!

What do you think? – Unquote

Kareena Heroine

As expected most of the responses were based on the same sex support – the married women (and girls) supported the wife in her actions – and the usual men to men support. The drawn lines were visibly clear for all to see – which portrays more revealing dangerous, ominous, demonstrative and hazard divisionary lines for me at least. Only a few tried to look at both sides of the equation (coin)!

Nobody had mentioned the effects of all these on the children – that see their parents not talking to each other at home – and using the children to communicate. For example – Tell your father to go and buy cheese – there is no cheese in the house! And the answer – Tell your mother I have no money – use the margarine instead! I do not know if they can see the film of themselves in such acts – how stupid they all look! Especially in front of the children – and more with the teenagers!

accident 2

With the later there seems to be growing phobia and fear of getting married – seeing the dramas and melodramas being played out at the homes – that can easily fill in for live act drama series we see nowadays in the television channels – and us too not left behind in catching up! I do not know where all these are leading to – and what the outcomes and future going to be – except more pain and suffering only – to those in the house, in the streets, in the offices – and into the society too!

I know of a couple that had now separated for good – and one day the poor lady was looking at me playing with my grandchildren – and she said to me – I wished that now in hindsight we had really tried hard to stay together – to enjoy the advantages and the benefits of having grandchildren visit us in one house – instead of two houses – and at different times too! Oh – how I envy you – M! The most critical and confusing times come during Eid celebration times – for the children – and the grandchildren included!

Frankly, we say a lot of things not positive about The Westerners – but even if they may sue each other in courts – as they also do – but in many cases – they decide to keep the children out of the mess – and even keep them informed – and explain too why they are doing this – with the added proviso – As children it is expected – that you may not understand and appreciate this one now – but one day when you have grown up – and have your own children – hopefully you will understand and appreciate then! We can learn a few things from them too!

The problem in marriages nowadays with especially both couples working is Money. My money – this is not your money! Your money – this is my money! Yours and Mine! Mine and Yours. And then in addition to self-preservation, selfishness, one-minded, subjectiveness – consumerism enters in! The wife is ready to buy a new dress that costs so much – but will refuse to dish that amount to pay the husband’s car installments – even if she will still use the car – as many times she does too!

And what is the most shocking part is seeing the acts, show-offs and pretensions outside the home to outsiders – whilst everything is breaking up into tiny pieces and smithereens at home – plain and visible for all others to see – if not themselves only! And then when all these things are done just to impress – and not in reality – that is where the whole fiascos and melodramas lie!

I do not know what has happened to us nowadays – but when I was a young boy – we all lived in the same house – my mother, elder mother – and all the children together – and sometimes there were fights of the children of the same mother than across – and in rare cases between one of the wives to the husband than across the wives!

When we returned to Oman in the 1970s we all lived in one house – with our wives and children too included! Now even the children have their own homes – and if we meet the family as one all together – apart from Eid days – then we are very lucky! I just imagine the further disintegration of homes as the days go by – and sometimes if we soul search and deep self analyse – we can only feel that despite increasing money, materialism and consumerism – we have lost heavily – and the institution of marriage has received a beating that will never be able to recover from ever again! God help us – our kids and their kids – and our future generations, history, legacy and destiny only – Amin Amen!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Doing Bad Things To Others! Reply

Between Us Only!

Doing Bad Things To Others!

Or What Goes Around; Comes Around!

My philosophy and outlook in life still remains the same – If you can help someone – then please do so! But if you cannot – then be straightforward and transparent – and say so! And explain why – and give possible advices and solutions – if you can! But most importantly – do not go for lies, deceit, double crossings – and stab at the back! Respect everyone first before others can respect you. And lead by examples – and not empty words and rhetoric – at whatever level in society that you are! There is also good in everyone – sometimes you may have to search deep to find even the trace of it!

And if you are planning to do good – do it whole not in parts – and certainly you do not choose which part to do – and which part to omit! Either you do it whole – or don’t! These are the basic bare necessities and truth of life – and living with others!

This week a relative called me saying that he had found someone from that distant land desperately looking for me as he was visiting Oman. He is not well off but he does not like to impose on others – and though he has many relatives here – he still prefers to stay in hotels. He says to me – That is the way I can keep in touch – and still remain with myself in respects!

When I left this person was hardly 12 – but now what I see in front of me is this man who looks over 50 – and though quite younger than me – definitely looks much older – with all his beard and hair all grey! With slow moving tired lazy dead-beat eyes and face – he says Hello to me distantly! He looks forlorn and dead beat tired! Some people are not Huggers and Kissers on The Cheeks – I am one of them – but after a second of wait and confusion – he hugs me! Of course the size he knew before has blossomed three times more – whilst he has remained forlorn and thin!

We talk about the old times – and in a way his mother is a sort of distant relative – and an aunt at most! He remembers how I took him and his brother to school for the first time – a frightening never to forget experience for the poor kids! He remembered the nice comforting words – and how that ‘really made a difference to us’ – especially later on – boys being boys – the few bullies around!

Then he told me about a Teacher ‘that had the most dislike, animosity and hatred towards you M – for no other reason except that I stood my ground – and allowed no one to breathe down my back and bully me. The Teacher was not used to this! Always students scurriedly hurried and shied from him – in fear and terror. He was like the Bulldozer – pushing down anything that stood in its path!

People do not know the real me – but frankly and honestly speaking – it was sad what he said next. That the poor man went bonkers and mad walking around the streets – started with his wife leaving him taking with her the kids. He ran his personal and social life the same way he dealt with his pupils – and life had caught up with him! He was also socially and relationships outcasted from the rest of his family – and ‘friends’ – if he had any that could stand him!

The East Africans have this expression – The True Woman comes out when her husband has become poor (lost his job!) – and The True Man when he (suddenly) becomes rich! And the person who digs a well will himself fall into it – or in other words – what goes around; comes around! A famous theme song in most of my writings, columns and books – www.myown-ebooks.com You can also read about whatever I have written in my website above!

In one of the places that I had worked long time ago – I – as being in Human Resources – made a Company Policy Proposal (CPP) in my official capacity for some changes proposals in the Company Human Resources Policies and Procedures Manual – that would have benefitted especially Retiring Omani Staff (and Their Families). Despite passing approval from my direct expatriate boss – it was vehemently rejected by the Top Omani Director – as ‘it would add costs to the company operating budget’ – even though the same facilities and services were provided to expatriates – but not the locals (then). The man was heard muttering exasperatedly – ‘This will only pass over my dead body!’ – and satirically  – ‘tongue in cheek’ speaking – it nearly did – when this Director himself retired!

In writing my book Psychology of Arab Management Thinking – I quote many real examples and similar cases – and many Offices related – some life related – but people still never learn!

People should always remember that if you purposefully, willfully and evilly do bad things to others – it will haunt you – and come back to you! Especially if you do it to someone who has not done anything bad or against you – you will be punished before they bury you 6 feet deep in the ground – or cremate you! This is a certainty and a surety – and it may take time – but it will happen – if not to you directly but then those near you! Only you will be asking – that you have now conveniently forgotten – Why Me? Oh Lord – Why me? What have I done to deserve this?

What goes around; comes around! Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Posted at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

No More Pampers – Now! Reply

 

Between Us Only!

Flying From The Nest!

Or No More Pampers Now!

People will forget what you said;

People will forget what you did;

But people will never forget;

How you made them feel! – Anon

It was very emotional and touching to see so many support emails coming to me from many – even expatriates in our country – after my last Wednesday article “People should learn to live and let live!”. One of them said – I felt so great and so relieved to see an Omani of your stature putting his views on the subject – that was both kind and bold of you!

Although he sent it in as an individual (Western name) – I have the feeling that he comes from the Diplomatic world – by the things he writes on next! Which brings me to my next point that we are very lucky and blessed in Oman – because I believe if you treat people right and ethically – as human beings and in nature – they are bound to reciprocate? I always believe that there is almost good in almost everyone in some way or the other!

It is time that the Arab world now come out to fully materially and really support our Palestinian brothers and sisters who have suffered for so long – and paying heavily and a bitter price – for the holocaust crimes committed by others!

Images – Even The Young Are Changing Fast!

***

In the early 1970s – I used to watch this drama series titled “Eight is Enough”

Image – Eight Is Enough

Eight is Enough! is an American television comedy drama series was modeled after syndicated newspaper columnist Thomas Braden – a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book with the same name

The show is centered around a family with eight children (from oldest to youngest: David, Mary, Joanie, Susan, Nancy, Elizabeth, Tommy, and Nicholas). The father, Tom Bradford- Actor Dick van Patten – was a newspaper columnist for the fictional Sacramento Register. His wife Joan – originally Actress Diana Hyland – took care of the children. It was very hilarious and comical in nature.

In one of the series there is jest and fun when the children tease – Hey! be careful – or dad will write about this in his next column! And the father retorting – You know what? You just gave me an idea for my next column! On hindsight if you ask me after starting my career in Human Resources – I never dreamt that perhaps one day in my subconscious of being a Columnist too after retirement!

Anyway – this week was a wedding of a young girl who was a good friend of my twin girls! As she came to the house – I recognised her! Even though the face was now of a teenager – the baby face still remained. Easier for girls to remember than boys – because they grow next moustaches and beards!

So still missing it me – I gave her my hand in welcome! She politely and tactfully refused to shake hands with me – as the growing increasing radical trend amongst young girls nowadays – especially once they reach puberty! There are no more ‘elder brothers and uncle’s now left prevailing!

Images – People becoming more Religios Observing!

For special mention I like the Indian peoples the way they raise their children – and with due respects here – we Omanis can learn a lot from them – truthfully speaking! Because honestly – even a young Indian girl of this age will return the handshake especially when extended – and will not ‘insult you’ by declining!

So the poor girl was let in without any recourse. As she was leaving – M being M – sometimes I should shut up and not open my mouth – and remove all doubt! So as politely and tactfully as I could – I told her – You know that you are the same age of my daughters? I am not a ‘dirty uncle’ – nor has the idea of wanting to marry you as my second (third?) wife ever crossed my mind – seeing the age difference already! Madam wife did not like it ‘to embarrass the poor girl – who had come to the house to invite her friends! Then I retorted something about pampers – you get the general idea!

Like I always say in my books and in my columns – the society is changing fast – and even elders like us – even if in clean minds and in conscience – we have to learn to accept the changes thrown at us with the changing times and environment. For me it was a double blow – because when I was in HR I used to brief new comers to Oman ‘not to want to shake hands with the ladies’ thing! I have now to learn back my own lessons – once again!

In one of the satire incidents I had witnessed – I knew this young girl Manageress – my daughters’ age too! – of one financial institution that survives ‘on credit and on interests’ – and she could shake hands with non-Omanis – but not Omanis! The excuse was the expatriates do not know!’ My philosophy and outlook still remains – you do not choose which part to practise – and which part to omit! Either you do it – or don’t!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Posted also at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

The Evils (Disease) of Pride! 2

Between Us Only!

The Disease (Evils) of Pride!

Or Feeling More Important Than Others!

Those that are my avowed Readers and Fans will no doubt acknowledge that – I always do write from my own personal experiences and exposures and as my references – and from incidents and episodes recently that have happened to me – or to people I know well for surety! This new disease of false pride is becoming increasingly rampant in the society now!

Let us start with some quotes first – on Pride: –

  • Certainly Allah does not love the proud ones. – The Holy Quraan – 16:23
  • Whosoever has in his heart, even an atom of pride he will not enter paradise – The Islamic Hadith
  • Pride is an admission of weakness, it secretly fears all competition and dreads all rivals – Fulton J. Sheen
  • A proud man is always looking down on things and people – and thus cannot see anything above him – C. S. Lewis
  • The truest characters of ignorance are vanity and pride – Samuel Butler
  • The infinitely little have a pride infinitely great – Voltaire
  • Pride comes before a fall – Famous
  • The one who climbs a ladder will have to come down! – East African saying

Long time ago, I watched this film where the ex Dictator Iddi Amin of Uganda was showing off this certificate to a cheering crowd. Then He tore the paper into two – saying aloud – Now Mr. P – you are no longer a citizen of Uganda! That is the end of a ‘paper citizen’ – and as he sends into exile thousands of Asians to all parts of the world – but mainly Canada and UK. Little did he realise that he created multi-millionaires of these exiles. Nor did he realise that one day he will too be exiled – and die in an exiled country – Saudi Arabia!

Image – Proud Peacock!

Last week I had some problems – again on ‘services’ – and as the usual unflinching M – I had phoned first to their Head Offices. Not getting any cheers, I decided to go to their website and put in ‘my beef’ – so to speak! I then followed it with an email to the Top Brass of the place. Sure enough from the top echelon came the response – Access Denied.

Truthfully from those in the lower levels came a positive response. So I phoned back to one and asked him most tactfully and diplomatically as I could – after even the abruptness and unnecessary provocation and insult! So I asked him why were my emails being returned to me? He sarcastically retorted that the BIG PEOPLE have no time for such trifles. So I asked him again – Did you mean trifles things – or trifle people? Knowing that I was trying to corner and trap him he just said to me just – Trust me – we are looking into your complaint – and we shall handle it soonest. But I had time still to say – if a VIP had emailed him – he would certainly not send back that email!

A few months ago I had a similar issue and dispute with another establishment – sadly and tragically always in the news – and how good they are! I was impressed when the Secretary called me to say that the ‘Big Man’ himself wanted to talk to me! Came on to my best behaviour and performances! So he asked me – do we talk in English or in Arabic? I retorted – whichever you prefer! Then he reprimanded me saying (in English!) – That this person that you are complaining about? I can give him my heart and soul – and I can go to sleep – and when I awake up – he will give them back to me!

Image Pride – All For Demonstration Purposes Only!

I do not know how that would have been possible – so M being M – I retorted to him that just now by your comments – you have left the fold of our Religion – by associating man with God – because only God can take a soul (heart) and return it – not a human being! That seemed to upset him a lot and went into almost vulgarities – unfortunately was not taping him! He said things about how negative you are in outlooks – and it was a big mistake this newspaper was giving you a column to write!

So to add fire to fuel – I retorted back – not a column – but two my friend! The word ‘friend’ coming from me seemed to upset him all the more! I had a very long hearty laugh to myself – when twists and ironies of life – he accused me of being ‘with chips on your shoulders – and a very proud pompous person!

Yesterday I had a long overdue chat with my son. He was lamenting to me that his friends found him ‘very open and receptive – and in speaking his mind’. They asked him how it was that he was different from them – that they had sort of a closed mind – and not open to raise issues openly on the front – instead of complaining in the back and behind scenes! And to where did he get his courage – and guts from?

So my son told them – my father has got it (this) from his father. His father had brought them up ‘not to be afraid and scared’ – speak the TRUTH always – and speak openly their mind – their concerns and worries – and not to be afraid and fearful except to the Good Lord only! If someone respects you – you must also reciprocate. But never allow anyone to scare, bully or push you down! Yes – his friends – said we can see now why we are different – because nobody had encouraged us that way and not to be afraid – but all just the opposite!

Image – Pride and Prejudice!

For Demonstration Purposes Only!

I can see that now happening with even my grandchildren! The other day I was teasing my granddaughter T where her housemaid had gone? She retorted – Granny how many times must I tell you that she has returned to Philippines? I was laughing to myself all inside me – that in another house hold she would have received a slap from different people for ‘insulting Granny!’

In the early 1970s when our families returned to Oman – I was just chatting mildly with a peer on mild issues – when he came in guns blazing – you have no right to talk anything on this matter! When I queried him why – he retorted – you were not born here! So please shut your trap – unsaid! I sadly looked at him and said – My friend – do you think being born in a place is the only criteria that matters? He retorted back yes – and I reminded him in a very tactful and diplomatic way why he was very wrong and misguided!

The saddest and tragic part was he was just a poor working person like me – and if the worst came to the worst I at least could use my father, great Mother and grandparents as ‘being a chip and part of the old block’! Unfortunately for him – he could not do the same – but yet had the pride in him to silence all others! I can now understand and appreciate now why my son is that much worried and concerned too!

Take Care!

By:-

Majid Al Suleimany

 Posted at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

The Fast Moving Allegiances and Changes! 1

Between Us Only!

The Changing Offices Syndromes!

Or The Fast Moving Allegiances and Changes!

Or The New Future!

A      The Introduction

As a now fully retired Human Resources (HR) Professional – I have never forgotten my role and responsibility that I represent my Company (and the Management) – even if in default I will go on forward to fight for the employees’ rights – and as part of the HR role, responsibilities and role in professionalism, principles and ethics. In actual fact I personally for one do not see any conflict or contrast between the two roles – but more as complimentary – for the well-being, interests and future for the establishment.

Sometimes you have to take the role of one side to the other as a situation develops – but in the final analysis your ability to balance the roles is what makes you as that successful HR Executive – or not! Even if you know that at the end of the day – you know who is paying you – but you have to think outside the box – look at the bigger picture – because in the end it has to be for the overall well-being and the interests for the company. That is why HR jobs are really difficult, hard and complex – compared to many others – because you become as ‘The Conscience’ of the Company!

This even if some in the senior Management (The Board) do not see it this way – and may even give you colourings and labels like – being the rebel – being short focused – and even as not being a Team Player! If not even worse scenarios like – time he is sent away – or we do not need him anymore!

Images – The Omani Future!

B       The Recent Incident

I was reading this incident of a case of an Expatriate GM being fired by The Company Board by him just receiving an email from The Chairman – and just finding his name in the Press that ‘he was terminated and no longer representing the Company’. I guess that if I was working in this place – my name would have come up next – because in all my career life I have always fought against such abrupt short cut routes – which gives a bad image and impression of the company – and makes other staff feel really worried and concerned – because they will be saying to themselves – if this can happen to such Senior people – what about the rest of us?

Mind you – I do not personally vet for stoppages and strikes as a tool and weapon for people to be heard and to be listened to – but sometimes because the Management had started the abruptness and the short cuts – lack of ethics, principles and professionalism – they should not be surprised at what turns up next – and this mine – I told you so! – has been mainly instrumental in curtailing and marginalising my career and progression – when people willfully and purposely do things to make me mad so I can quit – or if I do not then get hit in other ways!

Like in the last place – my junior assistant being planned to be my future boss – and a peer that I out pass in all aspects and in performance – has already become my boss even! But even there I had hanged on – and who was that guy laughing all his way to the bank – after ‘so-called voluntary early retirement’ – even if the action was in default and inadvertently!

 

Image – The Omani Future

Images – Omani Young Girl – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

C       The Changing Allegiances!

In my mind I was saying to myself – this situation will evolve in one way or the other – either the GM will be reinstated – or the whole lots of employees will also be terminated – and that would be to me like pouring petrol over a cinder fire! Especially as the protesting employees are Omanis – and Omani led! Ironically and twistingly – for a reinstatement for an expatriate manager! And why?

Because they said – the GM had made so many pro-workers decisions – and likes to see Omanis being recruited and doing meaningful jobs. Thus infuriating some in the board that had a dim view of the guy – quote – ‘that we have found mistrust. As he was holding governing power in Oman operations, and was in the Senior most position. We had to remove him immediately after we found malpractices – unquote!

Now don’t you find this ironic and funny at the same time? Omanis protesting that an expatriate GM has been given the boot – and at short notice? The pink slip? How many GMs are replaced or moved to higher labels position – but with no holding power or authority – or just made as Advisors – and all his advices and counsels go to file number 13 – the dustbin? But moved there just for image and publicity purposes – or that he does not cause harm and damage to the company in another way – either directly – or indirectly?

D       My Arab Management Books – www.myown-ebooks.com

Please see previous article here for images – or the above!.

I wrote about all these issues in my above books – let alone in my columns writings – and as far as in 2003 – 9 years ago! Starting with losing my job as a second time – this time from a Chinese company that led to my writing passionately and deeply emotionally traumatised in my the first Arab Management book – titled Psychology of Arab Management Thinking!

Last week I received this from a UK Reader – quote – Please go to the website of www.barnesandnoble.com – one of the biggest booksellers in the world – I gave you 4.5 stars out of 5 – and this is what I wrote about your book!

  • A Great Read (4.5 stars)

This book does not only provide a fascinating insight into Majid’s life but also his raw, honest and sometimes eye opening emotional roller coaster career. It is a personal account, and his brutal honesty regarding different nationalities and those of his own country is recounted so well. A lot of clips from his columns but never mind!

I couldn’t put it down. The English, although not perfect (hey, even English have trouble!) is easy to read and paints a picture as though you are there yourself – unquote.

In my book – A Cry For Help! – Even the Publishers had said to me – quote – This book is definitely a forewarning, prophecy and premonition of The Arab Spring troubles. Frankly people should have read your book – because all the tell-tale warning precaution signs were there already – you were just highlighting and pointing them out to the others! Sad and tragic! – Unquote!

In this book I had also written what the British GM had said – When M left the place – the fresh air blowing over the dump heap – had the stale returned – blowing all over again! Poor guy – some in the top did not like it coming from him supporting me – and he too lost his job eventually!

Only ironically this time all the workers – and even the majority expatriates in the machine shop – had switched off the machines – triggering an alarm system in the Head Offices – because the machines were only to be switched off in case of fire and emergency? When the CEO called as to what was happening – he was told – All the employees – including the expatriates – were saying farewell to M! He just curtly replied – okay I understand!

What more can I say now?

Take Care!

Happy and Safe Enjoyable Eid!

By:-

Majid Al Suleimany

Posted at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

Young Marriages In Troubles! 1

Between Us Only!

Young Marriages In Troubles!

I have found out that one of the advantages and privileges of working as a Professional in Human Resources in Companies – is this element of being able to meet especially the young entrants – and get to know them better in their hopes, aspirations and dreams in life – what makes them tick – and what does not! Perhaps because of my ‘accepting face’ and or my showing of interests to them – they open up and confide to me their hopes, fears, worries – and even dreams and fantasies in life! I become more like a Father figure that you can talk to also – and not just that guy behind the desk as the HR Official – whether Manager – or later on as Consultant, Expert and Advisor!

Image – Unhappy Couple!

I also came to realise the hard way that some families do not talk to each other – I guess more in father to son and vice versa – than daughters to mothers and vice versa! I think the later has more openings for rapport and discussions – if even I remember my own early younger life with my own late father – and even late uncles – because we were the same cut and chip of the old block!

I remember this incident in which I was teasing one of my nephews as to why he was only getting boys – and how he could try now to get some girls. Something crude that for sure I will not say here – even if the paper were ready to print it! My nephew turned red and blue – and he was literally gasping for breath – and he told his mother that uncle had ‘insulted me today by saying…’! Then his mother told him – your uncle is an open approachable person – and you should see the jokes that he cracks with his son – even daughters too – and not like your father – who still has ‘colonial leanings’ of the past!

Images – Marriages In Trouble – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

When I was walking in one of the GCC countries early 2003s, I was amazed at the divide between the sexes – even between the National young ones males and females – completely different from us here in Oman. I got my fingers burnt many times here – and on hindsight I now believe could have contributed to my position being early localised. Two incidents come to mind – one when the mobile of the girl ringing continuously for over 15 minutes as the girl was out. I realised there must be an emergency – so I in error picked up the phone.

Images – Marriages In Trouble – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

Though there was a real family emergency – but the husband did not like it – and he ‘reported me’ to the Senior Management – and they thought it very dim on my proactive move! The second was passing an honest and sincere compliment to one of the pretty young lasses in my office – who took it wrongly – and again passed her grievances to the top brass – who then asked me to keep my hands, mouth and eyes glued instead to my job front – than what I was doing now!

Which made me realise much further on in life that there was a wide rift and divergence between our own and them – even if we would like to think we are basically and fundamentally the same – but in reality we are not. Which brings me to the realisation that was the reason why there were a lot of marriage problems in that place – even amongst the young ones!

And why the place had a high divorce rate starting from a day, 3 months and 2 years. The rate – even in these periods of time – was even reaching 33% of all such marriages. Despite there being a fund for locals marriages – but still the boys were marrying outsiders – and not their own – and the girls lamenting that even if older – but they would prefer elder type like M – who can joke, tease and is all approachable!

In my last few jobs, I found the same problems were now also confronting us even here with our own young – completely opposite our own generations! Both the girls and the boys – even recently married ones – were saying to me ‘why they are worried and concerned – and not happy in their lives even! Many of the cases of the marriages were sort of arranged more – and they came to know each other only after marriages!

Even for those couples that knew each other before – or were ‘in love’ before getting married. They said to me that the husband is suddenly found to be possessive, jealous and envious – and wants to control, subjugate and control. And the bigger part is finances – and how much the wife earns! And the young lasses not wanting to lose their say and freedom – and certainly their money! Some even earn more than the husband – and some very near – in actual fact more of these lots than those that earn significantly lower.This is not the person I knew – is the common cry and lament!

The red lines are usual the same stuff of money and controls – selfishness rather that jointly – and consumerism plays a big part in the divisions and the discords – even after the children are born. I, in HR, had so many cases of those that took jointly housing loans and joint accounts getting their cases and court decisions sent to us – and in many cases is like that seriously sick patient – before he dies finally in final divorces!

In one of the cases that I was involved – this young male graduate came to me with a letter endorsed by his Sheikh that his wife’s salary – also a graduate – who earned more than him! – should be transferred to his personal account. I told him even if your wife agreed – the company will NOT be able to do that – and the same is a universal rule – but you can ask your banks to do that – if there is a joint written consent and agreement.

As I said in my last article – this new trend amongst our own to be aggressive and abusive when things do not go in their favour – needs to be nipped in the bud now – before there is a tear in the national fabric – and raising up of more selfish individualist younger future generations – that only think subjectively of themselves only – and that is why even amongst the young – there is so much turmoil and trouble now – starting with their marriages even!

My ears still ring hot in this cry from one young boy I know in sort of related – Uncle – I always wanted to marry a pretty and well paid wife – but I soon came to realise the hard way – that all that glitters is not gold – and she is in reality a very ugly and unpleasant person – in our fights she smashed all the plates that we got as wedding presents! Frankly I am afraid of her now Uncle! – he almost pleaded to me!

We the elders and the Religious Elders need to sit down and impart with our young on the importance and sanctity of marriages – and being together as one – and share and share alike as a couple – raising their children together. Move away from being narrow minded, subjective, self-centred, selfishness and being suspicious – avoid trying to control, manipulate and subjugate others -otherwise there are just bigger troubles only ahead of us!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Posted at: www.majidall.com and at www.majidwrite.com

The Great King Alexander – The Three Death Wishes! Reply

The Great King Alexander – The Three Death Wishes!

 After conquering many kingdoms – was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and he was bedridden for months. With death drawing close, Alexander realized how his conquests – his great army – his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no use to him now.

He called all his generals and said – I will depart from the world soon. But I have three wishes. Please fulfill my wishes without fail. With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their King’s last wishes

My First Desire is that – said Alexander – my Physicians alone must carry my coffin. Secondly – when my coffin is being carried to the grave – the path leading to the graveyard should be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury. My Third and Last wish is that both my hands should be kept dangling out of my coffin.

The people that had gathered there wondered at the King’s strange wishes. But no one dared to question; Alexander’s favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. O King – we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?

At this Alexander took a deep breath and said – I would like the World to know of Three Lessons I have just learnt. I want my Physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no Doctor can really cure anybody. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of Death. So let not people take life for granted.

The Second Wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell people that that not even a fraction of gold can be taken by me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.

And about my Third Wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin I want people to know that I came empty handed into this world – and empty handed I go out of this world.

Alexander’s last words – Bury my body – do not build any monument for me – keep my hands outside so that the world knows the person who conquered the world had nothing in his hands when dying……

 

All Not Arranged! Marriages in Turmoil! Reply

All Not Arranged! Marriages in Turmoil!

For Wednesday October 3rd 2012

My Other Websites –

www.majidall.com & www.majidwrite.com (New)

Between Us Only!

All Not Arranged!

Or Different Perspectives & Outlooks! – Different Priorities!

Being all alone at home now – that is most of the times – one can be really surprised of how many ideas you can get for your columns – by simply watching the Television set – because it is supposed to depict the realities and facts on the ground – whilst you watch the unfolding scenes from the comfort of your cosy reclining chair – without a care or mind for the rest of the world – but you and the television set only! It is really amazing how many things one can still learn from this television set on human dramas, vanities, foibles, and malaise – and all over the places now!

I have now compiled all my works into two new different books – which are now under publication – including the Road Safety Novel book – Behind The Wheel! – www.bethesafedriver.com This is one’s man keen interest, drive and objective to get involved in – and write about in Road Safety as his contribution to the society. My other two books carry all the articles – post earlier Between Us Only! series. More details are here at my new website www.majidwrite.com – which will also carry all my columns here too – from now on!

There is this beautiful programme about Cyprus – Island of Forbidden Love. The programme looks at what happens when romance cuts across religious lines amongst mainly Lebanese couples. According to legend – the island of Cyprus is known as the ‘birthplace of Aphrodite – the Greek goddess of love’. When love crosses the religious divide – Cyprus becomes a favoured destination for many Lebanese couples – seeking civil unions and marriages! One of those men being portrayed laments – Sunni, Christian, Druze, and Shia – we are in it all together – and there is simply no sect in love!

Images Cyprus

I have now also a lot of time for reading – and that includes rereading my own five books – all over again! Not to blow my own trumpet – sometimes I wonder if it was all done by me! But I guess when you are angry and sad too at the same time – and you speak truthfully from your own heart to others – there should be no surprises – what comes out here!

I also read in detail the newspapers and the magazines that I subscribe too! One of the jobs that had crossed my mind was to be a Counsellor – Advisor – Psychologist – or as they are sometimes referred to in pun as ‘Shrinks’! In one of the distress columns, I have noticed that we tend to ignore the problems being faced by the Expatriate communities in our midst – in their strive and struggle to adjust to our ways and lives – and to make meaningful and worthwhile their continued stay here.

I, for one, need to be frank to admit that I have not really paid full attention to their distress and plights in my concentration focus for jobs and employment for the youth – their training, recruitment, placement and development. Like most of us, we seem to wrongly think that they are here to take our jobs – our own youth – and to deny us entries to what should come – rightly and naturedly – to us – and in our desires and wishes for our own destiny, legacy and future – as future generations will judge us – and history too – on what we do now – or not do – and or advertently and or in inaction!

Every day we hear on some expatriates that have committed suicides – because they cannot take it anymore. I have said this too in the past. In one of my weakest moments in life when things did not seem to work – and everything was going against me – family included – I thank my God and my Religion – because it stopped me from doing really nasty and unexpected things in life. I now realise that I did put wrong emphasis and priorities on the wrong things in my life – rather than as my late good Mother used to tell us – peace be upon her – First is Always You! Then You! Then You Again. Then Others….let them make their own queue to you!

I am giving the same free advice to the especially expatriate wives that write in to the Marriage Counsellors and Advisors – about the problems that they face with their spouses. Few even to me! In many of the cases, the marriages are arranged – and the husband – has not given enough impetus and importance to get to know well his wife – his children even – and what she likes – what she does not like – and what makes her tick – or not! They live in the same house – though married to each other – but as complete strangers!

Mistakenly like most of us men – and with some exceptions – even some women like football – whilst the men watch dramas! We just think that bringing in the money is all important and only counts – if here – or worse scenario – send to homes across borders. In one of the Hindi films – I forgot the name – the wife was lamenting – You think bringing in the checks is all that counts – what about me? Do you think of me? Maybe the children – but certainly not me!

Frankly, there are many expatriate ladies out there that are really qualified experienced professionals – as I found when I still had my Consultancy years ago. In some cases – if they were working they could earn even three or four times the take home pay of their spouses! Sad this avenue and resource is not tapped into! Yet the husbands think still pleasing the boss – in many cases expatriates too – by staying in back ‘for artificial deceptive pretense invented works’ is far better than after looking at his wife – and even the children.

No wonder the poor ladies write in – even if anonymously – because they just had enough – or about too! When they start thinking of committing suicides – because of the phobia and dread of returning home to their families away from the husbands – then something has got to give. Like I always say – what is the point of having more money, promotions and statuses – when things fall apart – and break up in front of you? Money is not everything – family, humanity and values are!

May The Good Lord Direct us all to The Right Path Always – Amin Amen

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

How Rich Can One Get? By Majid Al Suleimany Reply

Final Destination – The Grave – If You Are Lucky!

Between Us Only!

How Rich Can One Get?

Breaking News!

Former Chinese Police Chief Wang Lijun sentenced to 15 years for abdication of duties…even in China!

The Funeral Pyre – Below!

One time decades back I got this call from my late Father to go and pick him up to take him for a funeral that was happening that evening. He got into my car and was not speaking. I thought perhaps because I came in late – or he just wanted to be silent – normally – when he gets extremely angry and annoyed. I had come to realise the hard way that it was better for me ‘not to prod’ – until he decided to speak himself. This time it was acute strange because he was not saying anything – longer than normal!

My Late Father PBUH

I was wondering if the old man wanted to cry – but he was holding his tears back – not to embarrass himself in front of his son. He comes from the fabric that frowns on showing emotions openly – and that is certainly in crying! Big men – and even young boys – simply do not cry! You can all cry and break into pieces all held dear all inside. Only ‘sissies’ cry out openly!

 After the funeral, I could see that he now wanted to talk. So I broke the ice by asking what the poor man had died of? He stared at me as if he was going to take out on me – but decided at the last minute not to! Then he said – Poor man! We were everyday going to the Public place – to chase up on the applications of land for our children.

Poor man! Now he got his final plot – and it was for free! He did not have to pay any money for the plot – it was given for him for free! Just the size of his body – a bit more – but 6 feet down – to rest on his right side facing Mecca – until the Day of Reckoning! I tell you son – all these things we are chasing in life are all temporary and artificial – and there is nothing permanent and for surety except God – and Death only!

Then my poor father told me about one business man he also knows whose business had gone bust. Many reasons for it – he was telling me. But that is not important for now. In short the man almost lost his house to the Banks – but luckily for him it was the only house he had – and there was the law to protect such cases in the past. He had two cars – one his and the other family. He sold off his family big car to settle debts – but kept the smaller car.

One day he wanted to go by road and to visit his relatives in a neighbouring country. He was not allowed to do so – because though he had cleared his case – and his name in the public files was not. He did not have even the right to renew the Mulkiya of his car – and he was driving the car ‘unlicensed and un re-registered’ – and he was afraid of in case of an accident of what was going to happen to him! It took more than 8 months to have ‘his name cleared’ – all because he was just a poor man – and had no Wastah. God takes shorter time to clear us – he sadly lamented!

Images – Traffic Police! For demonstration purposes only!

He added – Such things do not happen to the rich, powerful and the famous – only poor people like him – and us! In the end the man was so fed up – and decided to return for good to East Africa – safety or no safety – security or no security – but he just had enough! My poor father added – This man was stronger than this man who died today – God forgive us for such stray thoughts in comparisons!

I do not know if this is true or not – but one of the jokes on the public sector bribes and corruption in one third world country is about lands being allocated to the families of ‘those of influence’ – or as we say here ‘With W – Wastah! They say to a pregnant inner family or friends circle – If it is going to be a girl call her Badriya – and if boy Badr – names just coincidental for examples and demonstration purposes only! I do not know if they knew these things of scanning – because like yours truly had twin girls – so one of the girls would have lost – till a bit later on!

In one of my articles long time back – I talked about when I started working in Oman in Junior positions – though I had a more Senior position from where I came in that distant land – from having a Company car to riding a Company bus to work. But it did not put me off – or want to return – because I put my future and my family ahead of me!

In one of my deep frustrating times far later in life – I even went looking for jobs outside that oil company. In one of the interviews with one owners’ son he asked me a direct personal question of what really made M tick? He asked me – What are your dreams and what are you looking for in life?

Perhaps he thought I would reply him that I wanted to be in his shoes – to be on his side of the desk – asking the same question to another job aspirant! Then he started lamenting to me all kind of things that were not interesting to me as a job applicant – and the success story of their family business! He then asked me if I knew another so-called rich rising family – and why I did not apply there?

In another place the ‘great personality’ was saying to me – Either we offer you a good package or nothing at all. It seemed to me he was thinking he was making a great speech impression to me – because those things are best not said – and left out – because it was just a plain common message – and everybody knows about these things!

Remember all the above incidents were over 15 to 20 years ago! Far later in life when I started writing I had a strong fan – a sort of high elite rich person who really liked my works as a writer. He said to me – I like the way you fight for the underdog! When I applied some years ago after early retirement – for a Human Resources job in his place – he replied to me – Just keep to writing! That best suits you than a HR job! The Brits have this famous expression – Diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell – and he looks forward for the trip!

If even Mitt Romney of USA can discount 47% of the electoral vote – because ‘they are with him (Obama) – who are dependant upon government, who believe that they are victims , who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe to housing, you name it. They are people who pay no income tax ….. my job is not to worry about those people!

Bottom line – wherever you are in this world of ours – if you are poor and with no Wastah – you always get hit hard the most! Nothing has changed much during all these years! And then people dare to ask me why I like to quote many times – from George Orwell’s Animal Farm!

May The Good Lord Direct us all to The Right Path and Ways Always – Amin Amen

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

The problems all facing us now is all due to this hunger to control, dominate and manipulate in the Society….!!!

Learning The Lessons of Life The Hard Way! By Majid Al Suleimany Reply

Learning The Lessons of Life The Hard Way!

By Majid Al Suleimany – September 19th 2012

This incident had happened to me when I was a small kid – and I have not forgotten it to this day – even though my father had already passed away more than a decade ago – May Allah  rest him in peace – Amin.

I was playing with this cute puppy. Frankly, I am more of a cat person – but this puppy seemed to like me a lot! It was then time for afternoon prayers – and I joined the congregation in prayers after the usual abolution. One of the so-called uncles whispered something to my late father – and I got a beating of my life that still haunts me to this day as an over 60 person! From that time I steered away from dogs – because with due respects to ‘dogs-lovers’ – I did not know that they were considered as ‘unclean’ animals society looking – even in the place in that distant land! I learnt the hard way – because this puppy had followed me to the mosque – for a dog it was just a building!

My late Father was also not always pleased with me – because I had a tendency of ‘not wanting to get involved’ – when ‘brother fought brother’ – or even ‘sister against sister’ – as they sometimes did! We were 14 of us – 6 brothers – and 8 sisters as the children – blessings of Allah – God. My late Father used to say to me – you are the elder – so ‘you must be involved’ in these things – to separate them – and bring peace and harmony in the house!

That is the kind of person that I am – of not wanting to get really involved in such issues. It also comes in ‘giving up’ – because you say the same things day-in and day-out – and no one is respecting and hearing you. Like I always say talking to brick walls. Not only talking – but also banging your head – and it ends swollen and red – and the brick walls just sneer and slight you instead – unmoved and uncaring – as always. Instead you end not only as ‘The Loser’ – but you also suffer and get tormented in so many other ways instead!

I also believe this – and have said it so many times before! There is nothing untoward and ‘just not in’ than raising hopes and expectations of people – than dashing and disappointing them the worse than before – by not keeping the promises per se – or not doing anything real and material in this regard. That is why the world is in a greater mess and chaos than ever before – even more after the ‘promises’ were made – and all hopes and dreams dashed. It would have been better ‘not to get involved’ – and let things run their natural cause! There is also this thing. Do not take people for granted – and that they will act and or perform as to what you want them to be – or do either!

If you have also read the 90/10 principle of how you react to a situation can determine how more worse it can be then it was before. It is a famous principle – and I have said about it so many times in this column too!

In my article 8 years ago titled The Power of The Media – www.myown-ebooks.com – I joked about this ‘Red Indian’ boy cartoon where he is seen shouting on encouraging strangely The Cowboys – but not his own! This was in front .of his family in a cinema – kill the (unprintable) – as the ‘good nice cowboys’ chase the ‘stinky Red Indians’! The Red Indians were there as the original owners of the land – and defending their homelands – but came out worse out! Simply and smugly put – not all that glitters is gold! It takes two to tango – one cannot tango by himself – or herself alone!

There is also this thing. Conversely, if there is a great thing in front of you – or possessed by you – what bad name calling will not change facts on the grounds. My son was saying to me that his friend was telling him that he feels lucky that he is not my son – because he ‘does not have the pressures’ to perform in life like your father’s achievements – and that was a great eye-opener for my son of what he was really dealing in life. Until that time – he did not think much of the subject – and had not even read any of the books – though lying idly spread out in the house!

People should act their roles and responsibilities in life – without being told – or reminded – or reprimanded – or find out too late – like others before them – that the options to act and behave are now limited – or even not there at all.

In summary – I do not like to get involved in such issues like politics – and or deep religion – but there has been so much pressure for me to write – to use your pragmatism and wisdom. Unfortunately – those who tell me these things I cannot tell them what I really feel and think – because at this stage in my life – I have had already enough – and I sincerely wish sometimes that I had been more stronger and assertive in life – to do what I really wanted to do in the first place – rather than trying to ‘please or to be seen doing the so-called right things. But our Religion forbids us to think like this – because everything happens for a reason – and there are no accidents in life!

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany