Hurtful, Cruel, Mean and Painful Words! Reply

Hurtful, Cruel, Mean and Painful Words!

(ORIGINAL)

Article From The Archives – Between Us Only! The Oman Daily Observer!

ADD ON!

The worst part of all these is being told those words by supposed to be near you – like a Family Relative or Friend! Like this one from such a person – When I was moving out from Qorum Heights – What are you going to do with your books? Burn them? Imagine telling that to an Author & Writer – and who loves his book and with a passion for writing!

Read on!

There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!

So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be possible, natural and possible”?

***

There is no married life without bliss, quarrels and fights. It is not only in such relationships, but also between friends, family and relatives for that matter too. Sometimes even high up the pedestals between communities and nations too. It may take years and years of toil, hardship. Forbearance and creation to build very solid and formidable relationships – but only a few seconds in hurtful, vengeful and painful words to destroy that.

Most important is – do not let your brain tell your mouth what to speak, and then you speak it! Once said it cannot be taken back. Do you know that the most hurtful and painful things one can say against another are between peoples who are supposed to be very near and close to you? Think for a moment – who knows you best? Isn’t that your own spouse, best friend or relative – the closer the more worse? Outsiders don’t know you that close. Outside peoples always see an angel and nice things only in you – ‘butter would not melt in your mouth type’! Only those close or near you know you better, for the real and mantle you! Heard the phrase – familiarity breeds contempt?

One person it is said had asked our Great Prophet (PBUH) – Oh Great Prophet, what should I do to have peoples respect and esteem me a lot? He was told – do not ask anything (favours) from anyone! Do you notice what is the difference between us and God (whichever denomination). The more you ask from man, the more you lose respect, like and esteem. With God it is different, the more you ask of God – the more He likes it that man is asking from Him. True too, isn’t it dear Reader?

When I was a younger man, I know of one couple that was married for more than 12 years. There was not even one word said in anger fury or disappointment between them. The man admitted he was very happy with his wife, the wife with her husband. So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be natural and possible”. It seemed she needed to express herself a bit now and then, but was denied the chance and opportunity by the ‘hen pecked doting’ husband!

There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!

Sometimes when things get out of control, they end up in divorce. On the subject, I asked a Muslim Scholar friend of mine. I said – K, please tell me this, or clarify it for me! Why is it in our Religion that the man can divorce his wife that easily, but for the wife she has to request to be divorced, and the husband has to agree.

If he does not agree, than there have to be others to be involved. But none are required if he decided Instead?). The good man replied – because women are known for their temperaments, their ups and downs (related to their genes and body). The good man then asked me – don’t you think, if they were allowed to do so, that most men would have been divorced, some several times too? I could not find any reason to argue with him. Besides, you certainly do not argue these delicate sensitive things in Religion.

With the latest technologies and innovation, it is not only speaking but even writings too. Simply do not answer an E-Mail when you are angry and furious, however infuriating, disappointing and annoying one is received by you from anyone, especially job related at work. E-Mails are simply like spoken words, once you have spoken them, it is too late to take them back. They have gone to the ears of that other person!

Nowadays if I am annoyed by an E-Mail, I take time to cool down. If I must reply, I reply it – first I make SURE that I will not send it. I may type my angry retort, and then be SURE to delete it!. Or I write my response in another place, and then destroy that paper. Try it – actually it will make you relieved, and give you time for a more reasoned approach! The old days of being quick to the button retorts had put me in a lot of troubles – it is best avoided. Do not forget and can be said against you – you are a Professional, supposed to serve and to know better too!.

So next time you fight with your hubby, or he has annoyed you, do not let what you really think of him go into your head, and tell him exactly what you think of him. That goes to you too man to wife, or to friend, or anyone else for that matter. Can you believe that these kind of words have been heard to be uttered between peoples supposed to be one, let alone between enemies or adversaries (compiled from various sources!):-

• Sometimes you behave like a prostitute, the way you are after money (things)!
• I have always suspected you to be a gay (homosexual, lesbian, crook, thief etc) person!
• I saw your ex fiancée (supposed to get married to) today with his new find, how long before he dumps her like he did to you?
• From day one, you had never been committed to this marriage (or had ever liked me).
• I should have NEVER married you or even let our paths cross.
• I wish I was dead, so I was free from you.
• My father is right, he knew you to be what you really are, the good man.
• Why did I ever get married to such a poor loafer like you?
• You are very stingy and misery with our family, but not with your Mother etc..
• Everyone is invited to the party but not you. Nobody likes even to see your ugly face now.
• You never take me out till I force you, and that has to be after a BIG fight too.
• Act and behave like a real he-man (not like a lady).
• What is the difference between you and your Mother – you are both cheap easy going stuff – like Mother like daughter.
• Like Father Like son, you are both number one crooks and not to be trusted.
• You are a great actress, as if butter will not melt on your mouth.
• If I had married XYZ, where would I be today!
• Your mother (or father, brother, sister etc) again wants favours from me!
• Your drunkard alcoholic uncle (or whatever) took some more money from me today to buy more drinks, drugs etc. He wanted 20 Rials, I gave him 5 only.
• The children are crazy etc. because they take it from you and your family side.
• Your parents (or children) think you are an angel, they do not know about ….. (Secret only you two know)!
• There again your Freeloader relative has come to the house uninvited!
• Who invited them for dinner, they just drop in like it is a Free Soup Serving Place!
• Next time your relatives break (spoil) anything, I shall ask them to pay!
• No, I have a headache (just do not want or feel like it).
• Worse still – I shall find it outside, if you keep saying No!
• Your mouth (or body) smells awful.
• I don’t have any money (why should I help you?)
• Your family is coming for dinner, you better take them out (or order) dinner. I am not cooking anything for them, they always find faults in my cooking (never appreciate).
• My first (wife or husband) was a real person (man), not like you …!
• Worse still – I do not like the way you are doing this to me …! (It does give a connotation of comparing!)
• One of these days I shall pack my bags and just disappear (or something else that you will do)!
• Why don’t you drop dead, so at least there is peace in the house.
• Go and -the F word – yourself.
• For heavens sake do not involve the children in this!
• I feel like leaving this marriage now for good, I am really tired – cannot take this anymore!
• So many other hurtful, painful words once said cannot be withdrawn! Sow so shall you reap, it has been said so many times – but who listens? Or what goes around, comes around – for that matter too!

So next time you have a fight, do not let that evilness and ugliness that is within us all tell you or dictate you what to say. Or don’t open your mouth and say what you are thinking – for Heavens sake! Once said it cannot be taken back or be withdrawn. The Americans and Brits say count to 10 first. I say count to 20 at least!

……. End ……

Images For Demonstration Purposes Only!

 

 

Drawings by Raadheesh

 

  

 

END

 

The Secret Marriage! Or The New Wife! Reply

The Secret Marriage!

THE NEW WIFE!

Or

The Marriage In Secret!

Seems like it is A TRUE STORY!!!

He was reading this newspaper, when this angelic voice he used to remember called him up.

Only angels do not cry on the phone. It was the lady she knew calling him to tell him that after a rancorous and bitter feud, her husband had declared that he was divorcing her and that she was no longer his wife. She cried to him – what can I do? To be divorced at this age? And the children too, especially the one who was very close to the father. She stopped eating, and her grades in school were falling down badly. She had suddenly developed a nasty and mean streak and a very bad and furious temper too. To make it worse, the poor girl was blaming the Mother for the break up. You never paid attention or care to dad, most of the time he would be alone in the TV room watching news and documentaries, whilst the rest of us looked at the soap operas, and without a care or feeling for him.

When he returned from Office, only I ran to say hello to him and welcome him home, the rest of you were glued to the so-called-live-shows showing men and women living together in quarters, and how they behaved to each other. Sad too that it were all home peoples and the show was being shown live to millions in the region. If a curt response to his greeting as he entered the hose being made by the rest of you, then he was lucky. It was always the housemaid who made the food for him, and made it warm when he came in. Including that tea he usually liked after his meals.

Mum, the girl added, even if you were making tea, you never asked him if he wanted some too, and when he asked for some, you told the house maid to do it for him, why not you. The worst part was when we came to the house with ordered food from outside, and not only we did not ask him what he wanted, but ate in front of him the food as if he did not exist. It was only him and the housemaid who ate the home cooked food, whilst the rest of us plunged ourselves in different dishes day by day ordered outside, and when he asked – what about me? What did you reply?

All that food in the house and you want to order outside too? Who will eat the cooked food then (you of course and your house maid)? Was not that sending him away into another woman’s arms (and hugs!), by what you did to him, Mummy? Eh, Mummy? Child – shut up – the mother reprimanded. Still that was no excuse for him to go off and marry that young lass, just the age of his eldest daughter.

Is he not ashamed of himself? What does he think he is doing? Has he suddenly become that young and virile again for new adventures? Mum, the girl protested, that is my dad you are talking about, and you are embarrassing us. See the Mother said, there was no excuse for what he did, and he marrying in secret. It was only I was looking for the copy of the car registration, and I found the car closet closed. When I took his car keys and opened it, I got the biggest shock of my life to see the marriage certificate (of his marriage in secret to the young lass) and can you believe your uncle was a witness, and he said nothing. And all these things happened six months ago?

I had seen the secret wedded wife, and she looked pregnant and with a wedding finger in her hand. When I asked her who she got married to, now I understand now how she had changed all the colours of the rainbow – just replying Aunty you would not recognize him, even if I told you who he was! And calling me Aunty too – the cheek and audacity of it all.

The young wedded in secret girl recalled what his father from the Interior had told her – Daughter, you are going to start a new job now in the city after your graduation from the University. You seem too much excited about your new boss, and you say that he is the best gentleman you have ever met, nice and friendly and very helpful. Daughter, you worry me – dad says. I think you are getting infatuated with this new boss of yours. Come on – the daughter protested – be serious.

He is just your age, what do you take me for? Anyway daughter, the father cuts in, if he is interested in you and you in him, then I give my blessings to wed in secret, it is damage control and better this way, then to have illicit and not legal affairs with him. All I ask is to see the official wedding certificate, which is all I ask. The dowry is not important, nor are the celebrations, and the fewer peoples know about it, the better for all.

It was too months ago before the divorce, when ‘the friend and confidante’ had told her that ‘hubby had married in secret’ and the lass was a village girl working in his place, and that is the reason he had left the place, because wife and hubby working in one place was not on, especially he who was supposed to monitor the rules, regulations and policies of the place.

It had started with simple small SMS messages and the last one before things ‘got hot’ was she said – Sir, I am looking forward to work under you. You are the best boss in the world, a First Class gentleman and I am very happy to have met and known you. So he teased her back. What do you mean working under me? She laughs out loud! A tease SMS comes – If you see everything red around you – Do Not Be Scare! You are in My Heart! His time now to laugh aloud! He teases her! She teases him back! Teases became serious stuff. Soon they were meeting in secret, and he telling her how unhappy he was with ‘my wife and life’.

Then he suddenly went cold. He felt guilty that he was cheating on his wife and family, though all he did was just a few small pecks and holding hands. That cannot be cheating, the voice inside him said, just holding hands – be serious man! The girl had cried, why are turning away from me, you are breaking my hurt. What have I done wrong, please tell me so I can correct myself, and please tell me. PLEASE.

You are too young to understand. A few years from now you will be tired of ‘this fancy toy’ and look for something better to toy around with. No, she protested, I do not care. I love you (that is it, the word and others to follow soon came out. I love you. I am ready to be yours for ever, but please keep it secret between us two only. A week later the marriage took place. Far months later, the divorce also took place.

The first wife insisted either her or me – you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You must choose between us. Remember your children? Yes, he replied, but she is 6 months pregnant already, and with my child.!How do you know it is your child? From what I heard – she moves around! You stupid man! Can you still do it? I do not think. That was the last straw. The straw that broke the camel’s back.

The words that came out he never thought he will ever say, but he uttered them just the same.

He had made his choice, even if it was forced on him!

Images For Demonstration Purposes Only!