For Sunday September 2nd 2012
My Website – www.majidall.com
Between Us Only!
‘Brain Dead’ Marriages!
- If the heart stops for more than two minutes, you have massive brain death. There are only two minutes between our conscious world and zero. That is how fragile our consciousness is! – Robin Gibb
- It is not the brains that matter the most, but that which gives them – the character, the heart, generous qualities and progressive ideas! – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- The joke is on you, because I have already lost most of my brain cells due to heavy drinking – Clarence Singer
- We can’t all do good, but at least do no harm! – Dr. Halsey
Being Brain Dead – according to Wikipedia – is the irreversible end of all brain activity – including involuntary activity necessary to sustain life – due to total necrosis death (the stage of dying) – of the cerebral neurons (the cells in the nervous system) – following loss of brain oxygenation (where oxygen molecules travel from the air and into the blood). It should not be confused with a persistent vegetative state. Patients classified as brain dead can have their organs surgically removed for organ donation.
Brain death, either of the whole brain or the brain stem (the posterior part of the brain) – is used as a legal indicator of death in many jurisdictions
A long time ago, I was sent this email of a story in a neighbouring country – of a young girl who suffered a road accident and ended being in a vegetative state for a long time. Incredibly and unbelievably too, the Mother insisted for the respirator machine to be switched off – but as the father was still alive anyway – the hospital had insisted that they were not able to do this – but let nature take its due course in death. By miracle of Allah God, the young girl woke up from this coma state to regain consciousness! When the joyful mother tried to embrace her – the girl refused saying – Mama – I heard you always insisting on switching off the machine!
I was also reading this article of marriages in the same country – of marriages to the extent of roughly one third ending in divorces – and from periods of one day (yes!) to two years – but many in the first six months. But these are all young people – and First Marriages too!
As the subject is not about them but just in passing – my concentration is more on the long married ones. Why are so many long married couples marriages are brain dead = and dead locked? Devoid of the usual facades, complacencies, acting and pretensions of things are going on okay and normal – but the real truth is completely different! There is an expression the East Africans like to use – which is this – The Homes hide many secrets to the outsiders! Or as our good friends the Brits say – The skeletons in the closets (cupboards)!
Divorce Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes – No more jumping on the sofa set (Oprah Show!)
As a Columnist and Writer, I get more letters from the ladies than the men about how they are not happy in marriages. Sadly and tragically, married for more than decades – and some with even teenager grandchildren even – let alone children! Sometimes it is so sickening when invited to some places and see the facades and acts of ‘such people’ – joking and teasing each other – and calling ‘pet and nick names’ – just as a show off and pretension show and drama to others.
Sometimes, I am real thankful to my late parents for bringing me up as I am today – to respect everybody – and at least not do bad things to others – if I cannot do good things. But I am dead sure that with the ‘ammunition’ that I have on such marriages fiascos and melodramas – and soap operas stuff – I could be ‘a very bad mean’ person – to use the information to my advantage – to even get later on compliments like – thank you for laughing along – though you really know the truth! This act of going along and acting – I can assure you is very hard and taxing. Reminds me of Joey in The Friends series where he says – I can go along – don’t forget I am an Actor! Maybe acting is something I could consider too.
But not all of them are Actors – some are Real Them in Real Life. Personally, I do not know which is the better lot – because some of the scenes can be very mean and dastardly – and all hell is let loose – even for minor things – and very hurtful to each other – as if they are alone in the house! The most hurtful and paining part is saying openly things that are best left at home – though they will keep company information confidential as required – but not the family married part. This is the most sad and decadent and malaise part. Why do you want the whole world to know these things? Best kept at home – and in secret?
Images For Demonstration Purposes Only!
There are a lot of reasons for decay and break ups in such marriages – and who should know better even. They set a bad example to the youngsters – and their own children – and grandchildren even! This is the time to be together to reap the fruits of their labour and investment – by being together now – and seeing the success and achievements of their children – and even grandchildren. Do not switch off the machines now!
Even The Elderly!
Unhappy Couples and Break Ups! The Children suffer the most!
This subject I have covered so many times before. I was happy to notice that in this same country they have instituted Public Marriage Counseling Departments – but I guess the long married ones are more difficult, hard and complex to handle. Family members should step in – including Religious Leaders – and even in schools on sanctity and importance of marriages. And to move away from individualism, materialism, selfishness, consumerism etc – and to even think that Offices are more important than homes!
All Apart Now! So Sad!
When you are really sick and in bed – there will be a few flowers and cards from the offices – but after a time they will just end and disappear. Your spouse can be your real soul mate and salvation – and look after you at least – so don’t drive him or her away now – before it is too late for you. Remember too that your children have their own commitments and lives to run – so they will not be at home all the time! Money is not everything – the Home is!
May The Good Lord Direct us all to The Right Path Always – Amin Amen
By Majid Al Suleimany