Between Us Only!
Losing One’s Respects!
- Be not like the hypocrite who, when he talks, tells lies; when he gives a promise, he breaks it; and when he is trusted, he proves dishonest – Islamic – Bukhari and Muslim
- Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts? – Confucius
- God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference – Reinhold Niebuhr
- I am not concerned with your liking or disliking me. All I ask is that you respect me as a human being – Jackie Robinson
It always happens in life. Once you lose your respects, esteem and standing – it will be very difficult to get it back – however hard you may try!
It had happened to me several years ago when I was in Dubai. Just want to say something here before I proceed. In writing, a source is very important – as one can deny or change his mind later – and end you in big troubles. This is why I always use my own cases to refer to – or those cases well known to me!
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Now that has been put behind us. Whilst in Dubai – I had sent in my Dodge Durango for thorough cleaning after the road trip from Muscat. At the queue there was this Rolls Royce Silver Shadow being cleaned. So I asked who seemed to me to be the driver if I could look inside? I always adore these cars!
The good Indian guy was kind enough to let me do this. After this my usual put foot in my mouth – and the ‘dry sense of humour’ just kicked in! So I said to the poor man – Your boss must be very proud of this car – and may even want to drive it too instead of you? He curtly replied – Yes – if you mean the wife – she sure does – but I just do not allow her to drive it!
Seeing my embarrassment the poor man wanted me to feel comfortable. So he asked me if in Oman there are no Indians that own Rolls Royce like he did? I just looked at him – and I kept my mouth shut after that! It was very embarrassing – and I knew immediately I had lost all the respect and rapport I had just built a few minute back when we had met!
During my Consultancy business times – I was going with my Indian lady assistant for a business meeting where we had just made a business proposal. The meeting was going on fine until their GM asked – By the way – who is going to run this Human Resources HR Project – if we decide to give it to you?
It seemed that the man had just glossed over the proposal – so I told him pointblank that I will do it myself. He then turned to my more than ever now feeling embarrassed Assistant and asked in the home lingo – What does he know about HR? The poor woman knew that I can hear the lingo – though not speak it!
How many times in life we meet these same people that we highly admire, respect and esteem – but they may really shock and disappoint you at the worst expectant times when you are looking up at them – by their crude, abrupt not normal behaviours – lacking ethics, principles, outlooks and professionalism even!
Images Losing Respects – For Demonstration Purposes Only!
Once I did a HR Project for one such famous customer – a man I really had admired and esteemed – and who always talks about treating people right – and when he told me – Do not worry – I will pay your worth. So I was expecting a good pay-in – and the ‘shock and awe’ was mine when he paid me just pittance for this very difficult and complex project I had done for him!
When I raised protest – he brought in religion to me to me thankful for what I am getting – instead of sitting idle at home! The same thing had happened when I raised protests to another such person – who had threatened me to get out of the office – or he will call in the Authorities ‘for disturbance’ – as I was emotionally speaking at high pitch to the person! And that I was ‘not respecting’ that person’s position and status ‘by your crewd behaviour’! Sic!
There is also this element – more in the Offices’ environments. Some people still think that when they see a friendly outgoing extrovert woman peer that she might be a ‘softie and easy target’ – and many people have lost their respects this way by such stereotyping and outlooks – especially with the ‘foreign ladies peers’ – and even with the educated, qualified locals too for that matter! I have had many cases where the ladies came to complain to me as such when I was in HR then!
Another element of losing respects is your changed behaviours, outlooks, focuses, pompous and conceited etc – especially now that you have got some extra coins in your pockets for a recent promotion, advancement and or riches – and things have gone into your head – treating others with pride, contempt and ridicule. For me these are completely lost people in life – and people to avoid – like Hell!
My late dad – when he was still alive – used to say to us – If the Heaven doors were being manned by some certain people type – nobody will ever go to Heaven! Their jealousies and envies streak will ensure this for certain? Thank God that He is more gracious, kinder and merciful than us human beings!
Have you noticed this? The more you ask of others for favours and help from fellow human beings – the more you lose your respects, esteem and standing – whilst with the Good Lord it is just the opposite – because He likes it the more to come from His creations. And that is the main difference! The East Africans say – carving your face – that means your face will not remain the same – after begging!
Once you have lost your respect – it is not easy to regain or get it back. So one needs to always keep this in mind. I used to fight for one person that he was being ‘victimised’ – until I learnt the hard way when I was doing some works for him – that I had all my ideas, conceptions and ideas all wrong – and that indeed he was not that ‘good person’ – I had always thought before all this!
May Allah God Protect and Preserve us all – Amin Amen – Take Care!
Majid Al Suleimany
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